Grandparents overriding our parenting decisions, how did you handle it?

Classic Singapore multi-gen situation. What worked for us was picking our battles and being warmly firm on the few things that really matter, health and safety, while letting go of the small stuff. Grandparents spoiling grandkids a bit is normal and honestly part of the joy for them, so we relaxed on the occasional extra sweet. But for the non-negotiables like bedtime and screen limits, my spouse, not me, spoke to their own parents, because it lands better coming from their own child than the in-law. We framed it as here's what the doctor advised rather than you're doing it wrong. Gratitude plus clear boundaries, delivered gently and by the right person. It's a long game, consistency and respect win over confrontation.

We had the same tension and honestly I had to let go of a lot of control, which was hard for me as a first-time parent. My realisation was that free, loving childcare from family is incredibly valuable and comes with a trade-off, you can't micromanage every detail if someone else is doing the hard work daily. So we agreed on a short list of firm rules and wrote them simply, and let grandma have autonomy on the rest. When it really confused our kid, we explained to the child directly that different places have different rules, which they adapted to faster than we feared. Keep the relationship warm, express genuine thanks often, and choose only the hills worth dying on. Burning the bridge over sweets isn't worth losing trusted childcare.