Dating for 5 years but scared to commit because of housing and money

From my experience, the money fear never fully disappears, you just get organised enough to shrink it. What helped us was turning the scary abstract worry into a simple shared spreadsheet: expected combined income, savings, BTO estimate, wedding budget, and a rough monthly cost of a baby. Once we saw real numbers instead of vague dread, it felt manageable. We also agreed a BTO application is a low-risk first step, you can always decline the flat, so we applied while continuing to save. The commitment came from tackling it as a team, not waiting to feel 100 percent ready, because you never will. Talk openly about money habits now, because mismatched spending is what actually breaks couples, not the wedding cost.

I felt the exact same way and honestly what shifted things was separating the wedding from the marriage. We were stressing over a big banquet we didn't even want, so we decided on a small solemnisation plus a simple lunch and put the saved money into our flat and emergency fund. Kids can come later, you don't need everything solved on day one. Also apply for BTO early because the wait gives you years to save while your relationship is already stable. My advice: have the honest conversation about what you both actually value versus what society expects. If you've been solid for 5 years, the relationship is not the problem, the pressure to do it 'the expensive way' is. Start small and grow from there.