How to keep the wedding budget sane when everyone expects a big banquet?

We faced the exact same banquet pressure from the older relatives. What we did was compromise smartly: a moderate hotel banquet to satisfy the elders and honour the customary red packet culture, but we cut costs everywhere else that guests don't notice, skipped the expensive gown rental for a nicer off-the-rack one, DIY-ed the decor, and chose an off-peak lunch banquet which was significantly cheaper than dinner. The ang bao collection also offsets a big chunk of the banquet cost, so run those numbers realistically, sometimes the banquet is closer to break-even than you think. My advice: pick the one or two things that truly matter to you and your family, splurge there, and be ruthless cutting the rest. Don't start married life in debt over one day.

We went against the grain and did a small solemnisation with just close family, then a casual restaurant dinner instead of a grand banquet. Yes some relatives grumbled at first, but we stood firm and explained we wanted to save for our flat and future. Honestly, once it was done, nobody remembered the grumbling and everyone had a warm intimate time. The money we saved went into renovating our BTO and our emergency fund, which mattered far more than a lavish night. My take: it's your marriage, not a performance for relatives. If big banquet genuinely matters to your parents and they help pay, fair enough, discuss it. But don't bankrupt yourselves for appearances. A marriage is built after the wedding, not on it.